I remember being at bar / restaurant with outside entertainment in California a few years back. A place I had been to before. This time was different. Sitting outside around one of those fire pits, I remember it being cold, or what is considered cold by southern California standards. It was a fair amount of people out there. I began to feel uneasy. Annoyed. Not by someone bothering me, but by the people, the audience there to watch the music group play. They were around us and on the balconies above. They were clapping, laughing, dancing, and pissing me off. I felt the walls closing in around me.
I became that fish in the barrel. How could I allow myself to end up in such a vulnerable position, especially as close as I was to the main attraction. If someone were to detonate something there we wouldn't stand a chance. "How stupid are you to put yourself into this situation?!" I thought to myself. "DON'T YOU ALL REALIZE THE DANGER WE ARE IN?!" my mind screamed.
The music group played on. I became angry with their music. I became angry with the old white guy with the muscles and too tight shirt and black jeans as he danced with his partner on the dance floor. Half his face paralyzed from a stroke, his feet slid across the floor in cheap black sneakers that sounded as if the bottoms had been worn down to nothing but smooth plastic. I hated him and everyone else there for showing not even the slightest concern regarding the danger we may be in. It was dark, the fires burning low. Someone could drive by and start shooting, lob a grenade, detonate a package concealed somewhere. I could not wait for this to be over with.
YUP!! I hated that feeling. I still get like that, but its not as bad. I wonder if it will ever fully go away or if it's a curse we will have to learn to live with.
ReplyDeleteAppearenty its here to stay, but the nice part is eventually like everything else you get kinda numb to it.
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